Hollerin' at all my Sunshine Peeps

For those who live in Florida y'all know ya' special, me oyes? Y'all are special, and not just in the short bus way, but in the way that Florida is a small country in and of itself!

The Northern portion might as well be renamed from "The Panhandle" to "L.A." (lower Alabama).

The Central Statians/ Stators(This one will be up for debate and discussion in a later post) are all over the map; you have people coming off a family tree that looks like a telephone pole, "city slickers"- of course in the regimented flip flops, beach bums or babes (with corresponding body parts hanging out), and an open tailgate pick-up truck load of people that yell "Oye, ese!, Andale!"

And then last but not least, you have The Jewel of the state or the sh*thole of the state, depending what part of the state you are currently standing in. The Southern (which is south only by definition) ques es un arroz con mango of Hispanos, not Latinos but Hispanos (this too will be up for debate and discussion in a later post.)

Tha's right y'all son especial!!!Be proud of living in a state where the world depends on our ability to count hanging CHADS to determine who will be leader of the free world, be proud to be part of a state that that has mandatory legislation demanding that all official papers be distributed in English as well as Spanish (the state's official native tongue, apparently) be proud to be from a state where one can find a sign in a store front which ironically reads "Si, hablamos Ingles" and when a English mono linguist enters a store and addresses the clerk in English is ushered out for not speaking this state's native language- Sheeesh! Don't all youz know how lucky you are to be a Floridian!!! And if by chance you answered "no", then read below and realize that you have long been brain-washed into thinking that Florida Peeps are normal. Just know that you're not!


You know you're a Floridian if-

..Socks are only for bowling.

..You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over
in five minutes.

.A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the
store, but everything to do with shade. Uh Hum, AMEN!!!Especially during the ***Summer***

..Your winter coat is made of denim.

..You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito
bites.

..You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

..Anything under 70 is chilly.

..You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a
funeral.

..You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

..You could swim before you could read.

..You have to drive north to get to The South.

..You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix (*Sigh*... ahhhhhhhh,Publix!)

..Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-
2005.

..You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat
before it got dark

..You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking
up for.

..You dread lovebug season (to the point that you don't even get the mail during those weeks.)

..You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't
Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan
Jeanne and ANDREW!!!

..You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.

..You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

..You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.

..'Down South' means "the Keys" (for those of you from the actual United States that's "Key West")

..'Panhandling' means going to Pensacola

..You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive "Hear Ye, Hear Ye!!!"

..Flip-flops are everyday wear.

..Shoes are for business meetings and church.

.No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or
Christmas.

..Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

..An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

..You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to
Florida (We all feel sorry for you poor saps that actually get excited, and then even more so should it be during the ***summer***!!)

..You measure distance in minutes.

..You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

..You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls (but secretly laugh when they end up getting pooped on)

..All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

..A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

..You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

***..You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not
summer but really hot, and February.****

..It's not soda, cola, or pop. It's coke, regardless of brand or
flavor, 'What kinda coke you want?'

..Anything under 95 is just warm.

..You've hosted a hurricane party (and were past out during Frances- *wink, wink*, Frank)

..You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on
the best rides. (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)

..You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches and burning candles to get rid of mosquitoes.

..You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee,
Withlacoochee, and Wauchula.

..You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than
have a boat yourself. (especially at $3.30 gallon!)

..Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various
fish, NRA, Nascar, Go Gators, and a confederate flag (if anywhere North of Miami, if in Miami or down South, they must all be in Spanish and spew some condemnation of Communism!)

..You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.

..You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

..You get angry when people say ' Florida isn't really part of the
SOUTH.'

..You've worn shorts and a tank top and ran the A/C all day on Christmas.

..You know what the 'stingray shuffle' is, and why it's important!

..You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '.

..You've chuckled or peed after reading any one of these.